So, I'm not sure when I first heard about the Corona Virus, but it was probably sometime in February 2020. But it was in China, and Italy... not here in London. I remember hearing about the death rate rising in other countries, and Social Media going COVID Crazy sharing scaremongering stories. But even at this stage, I didn’t think it was going to affect us.
When Boris started talking about symptoms, and if you had symptoms you should self-isolate for 7 days (this quickly changed to 14 days), I was like ‘What the hell?’ Never had I heard of the term 'Self Isolate' or 'Sheild'.
And then on 16th March, Amelie woke up with a cough and temperature. So, we informed the school that she would be off for 2 weeks. My hairdresser Kate was due to come round to do my hair that day, so I called her and told her, and she just said, ‘it’s fine’ and so I had my hair done... little did I know that this would be the last time for 4 months.
I suddenly got a huge panic that I'd have to cancel a job that I had booked in for later that week. We really needed the money as London was already slowing down and Steve wasn’t making hardly any money. But it was my civil duty to cancel, just in case our household had the dreaded bug.
Steve earned next to nothing over the next few days and although his garage who he rents the taxi from had put his rent down to 50%, he could barely even cover that. So, he made the decision to hang up his badge for a ‘few weeks’ (AGAIN.... We had no idea what we were in for)
5pm was the time we sat down and watched the news, EVERYNIGHT. I was obsessed with the daily press conference. I often watched it and cried my eyes out throughout. Crying for my own business that had only just begun, for Steve, who worked so hard to get his badge, which now hung in the hallway. I cried for all of the small businesses who were likely not to ever make it back from this Pandemic. I cried for all of the change happening so quickly, the people who were dying, with the death rate rising at a scary speed. I cried because I might never see my Dad again, who was in Cambodia.
Crying wasn’t the only thing I did... I had at least 1 panic attack a day. Sudden flushes of panic washing over me like a horrible wave of reality when I realised that this wasn’t just a horrible dream. This was real. And it just kept getting worse.
LOCKDOWN that officially started on 23rd March, a day I'll never forget, was an extremely hard time for me, as I'm sure it was for every other person in the world. Not seeing my family was so hard. Not being able to pop out to the shops, go for a cheeky mid-week pizza, not cuddle anyone, not touch another living soul, wash our hands 100 times a day, only go out for a 60 minute walk once a day, queue for up to 2 hours to get into ASDA to do a weekly shop, wear a face mask in public, feel scared that we’d lose someone we love to the ‘Rona, and the fact that Steve and I were both self-employed with 2 businesses that we couldn’t operate or grow, and were both flying before this awful Pandemic began.
Driving to the supermarket was my weekly time away from the house. But on the drive, I'd get sad looking at closed hairdressing salons, independent clothes shops, restaurants, jewellers, ALL SHOPS. I thought about all of the millions of people who couldn’t go to work.
Watching the news started to dwindle at around 6-7 weeks, as I just couldn’t bear to listen to it anymore. It made me feel sad. But I was still obsessed with hearing the death toll and how much it’d grown. Is that weird? That I wanted to know how many more people had had their lives snatched from them?
We spent so much time in the garden, weeding, cutting, chopping, planting, sunbathing, reading, drinking in the sun... I know that someone was looking over our country during this time, and they really helped us out with the weather, because it was quite possibly the best Spring I've ever encountered.
Our nights got later, and our days began with lying in bed drinking tea and watching Good Morning Britain. We exercised loads, we ate loads and we drank far too much.
I had downed tools on Mrs Everything because I just didn’t have the space in my mind to keep up with pushing it. I couldn’t pretend to proactive and creative to my page followers. I couldn’t practice the new skills I'd been learning about with my Mentor; I couldn’t think forward. I could only think Corona.
Don’t get me wrong, for the most part, my Lockdown wasn’t too bad. I know that sounds weird giving what I've just written above, but I got to be in lockdown with my 2 fave people in the whole world. Steve and Kid. We get on well, we all like and respect each other, and other than 2 quite big arguments, Steve and I got on brilliantly. Sometimes, I'd have a day upstairs binge-watching Netflix, and he’d play on the PlayStation. He’d have a day in the garden burning stuff (he got right into burning garden waste), I'd sunbathe and read and listen to music, we’d do a whole house scrub together. We just respected each other. And the Kid... she was amazing. She’s a good girl anyway, but she really came into her own. She cooked, she helped us out with cleaning and chores, she done her homeschooling (most days for the first 9 weeks... and then it kind of dwindled, mainly because I started to get back into my own work and stopped pushing her). Her new fave meal to cook was Thai Green Curry, which she made at least once a week... She was just really good.
What I'm taking away from LOCKDOWN/COVID-19/CORONAVIRUS is not to take anything for granted. Money, cuddles, seeing people, going places, doing stuff. The only thing we spent money on for just over 3 months was food. So much food. But it made me realise that I have enough clothes, I don’t need stuff. And I didn’t miss buying stuff. I just missed my family and friends.
And that first cuddle with my Mum was phenomenal. And my Mum isn’t even a huge cuddler. But it meant so much, coz we’d survived the Pandemic. And don’t even get me started on the first cuddle with Kristel. I burst out crying and didn’t want to let her go. God, I miss her living just round the corner. We were allowed into other people’s houses by this stage, and it felt so lovely to see my family.
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After that first cuddle, I started to feel a bit more normal. I’d spent 14 weeks avoiding touching people, jumping out of the way people in the supermarket, not even breathing when I walked past someone in the street. We literally adhered to all of the guidelines, and with my Halo firmly in place, I can honestly say that I’m glad we did. It felt weird at first, but then it became normal. I’m not sure I'll ever feel normal about touching a stranger again. Shaking hands? Bumping into a stranger in the supermarket? Queuing up to get on a ride at a theme park? It’s just so odd to think about.
My final thoughts. COVID-19 was an awful time, it’s seen us in dire straits for money (thank you to Dad to helping us out), I honestly didn’t think that I'd be able to get my new business back off the ground, I'd lost all of my confidence for being active on Social Media, I felt completely helpless and uncertain about the future of our country, I felt sad about soooo many deaths....
….But it was also a time that I got to spend quality time with my Kid and Steve. It was a time that I ate what I wanted, I exercised when I wanted, I drank when I wanted, I watched so much TV, I read books, I had late nights and long lie ins, I cooked fresh bread (when I could get my hands on flour), I invented new recipes, I cooked so much beautiful food and really got a whole new level of confidence in the kitchen, I made over my garden, I sorted, I facetime/Zoomed with my friends and drank wine with them, I learned a lot about myself, The Kid and I became even closer, I appreciate my family and friends so much more and although I wish COVID-19 didn’t happen, I will take these precious memories and cherish them forever.
Dear COVID-19
You nearly ruined me You killed my confidence You killed so many people You brought panic and anxiety back into my life
BUT
You taught me lots You made me realise what is important You gave me time with my family
BUT
Now is time for you to leave And let us heal
